the Welcome mat

The camera phone edition

Sat, 20 Mar 2010 20:46:55 -0500

Who doesn’t have a camera phone? I mean, really?

Anyway, here is a snarky post featuring some of the more interesting photos I’ve assembled on my phone over the past couple months.
Our journey begins with this nugget: an original Playstation and a copy of Madden ’93. Both can be yours at Savers for the everyday low price of $5.25. Combined. Total.

Why was I at Savers? Not the point. Let’s not get lost here. This is an important trip down memory lane for me. And Derek, I bet.

I’m happy to say that I proudly owned both these antiquities at one time — love the Genesis.

Somewhere, in an alternate universe, 1995 Derrick is crying because I didn’t purchase these.

Probably better that way.

Then there’s this. Picture it. A little girl is asleep, snug in her bed. It’s 1998. The spring breeze is softly billowing into her room. The curtains fluttering against the open window. It’s warm, mild even. She tightly clutches Frank, her brand new stuffed frog. Bill, her stuffed dog sits lonely on the dresser.

As quickly as BIll is forgotten, he’s snatched from the girl’s room. Silent. Stealthy. Mom has plans for Bill. Poor Bill.

With Frank in the girl’s life, Mom knows Bill is a goner. So does Bill, actually. The trash? No. Bill is not so lucky. A new dog toy? Bill may have wished.

Nope, Mom has a craft bug, you see. She wants to get more domestic and recently saw some guy with a big ‘fro on PBS making cool things out of household items. (No, it’s a different big ‘fro guy than the one who did the wicked-cool oil paintings.)

Bill’s fate is sealed. He’s getting a frontal lobotomy. A lamp post is going through his head — and body. He will be the little girl’s new lamp. For eternity, or until she moves to college, poor Bill will stand sentry in her room, watching her play and cuddle with Frank, the new frog. Ouch.

Luckily, she dropped Bill off at Savers when she went to college.

A few weeks ago — the end of February — my softball team played a tourney on White Bear Lake.

No, not the city — well, yes — but more impressively, the ice. The lake. On the lake. It was also 50 degrees. Awesome.

Shore is to the right. Obviously.

And for the record, I played great. But it’s ice-ball. Who really cares. Not me. Certainly not my .750 average, 11 RBIs or Todd, who ended our tourney by grounding into a game ending double play with the bases loaded and the tying run on second. Ass.

You know what else is cool. Torrential downpours in the middle of winter.

You can see the piles of snow the right next to the white car. It was a full-fledged thunder storm. We had lightning, hail, wind and rain.

It made my whole month.

As did Spring, which started today!

And daylight savings which started last week. Or two weeks ago? I can’t remember because it’s that awesome.

Is this post losing steam? Yep. Do I care? Nope. Are you still reading? Don’t know why you came in the first place.

Finally, I have a sweet idea. Let’s build a road that faces the sun when it’s setting. That won’t blind all kinds of drivers or create mass accidents.

At least it’s sunny.

Have something to say? Comment away!

Seriously.

Comment.

Do it.

For AHNOLD!! (Inside joke)

Loving media

Thu, 4 Mar 2010 14:15:41 -0600

You all know I’m a journalist.

So it stands to reason that I find it funny when the media screws up. Especially funny headlines.

Take this Yahoo.com homepage news item.

“Cruise passenger on deadly freak waves”

U can’t tell if this is a colossal use of words, or a colossal misuse of punctuation.

Sadly, it’s since been changed, but I managed to get the screen grab!

I wonder what it’s like to ride on a deadly freak. But it must be a lot like bull riding if one gets to wave while riding it.

OK. I’m done. Add your own funny meaning in the comment section.

Really?

Fri, 19 Feb 2010 22:04:26 -0600

If you’re reading or watching this, I’m shocked you’re still paying attention. What? With updates every 40 days.

I suck.

Butterflies

Tue, 12 Jan 2010 22:56:32 -0600

I fancy myself a romantic. Always have.

Could be narcissistic, but let’s roll with it, shall we?

I’m more likely to cry because of happiness than sadness. I get choked up during a movie when the hero and heroine can realize their boundless love; not when their world is destroyed by the skywalkers (Avatar reference). If you get my point ...

And as such, I’m keenly aware of my own feelings. Sometimes to my own detriment. I flourish in them sometimes, when maybe I should be stepping back and evaluating from a 10,000-foot level. But that’s for another post.

The point of this one is to discuss something I’ve noticed about my own feelings, and then share some terrible writing, that for some reason, I feel compelled to toss out into the Interweb, about it.

Us humans call them butterflies. They’re the strange stomach phenomenon we get when we experience both the extreme highs and deep lows in life.

Think back to your most recent relationship. That first kiss and the electricity that flowed through that first nervous yet exciting moment. Maybe it stuck around for a couple weeks while you crushed over your new found romance. It’s a wonderful feeling, yet you have no appetite. The butterflies occupy any empty space you may have in that ‘ol tummy of yours. They change how you think. All you want to do is talk to the person; touch the person; pounce the person.

Take the flip side. Your first speeding ticket. Your 17-years-old and the police cruiser’s lights are filling your rearview mirror. You’re terrified. Yet the same energy seems to be coursing through you. You’re a hair nauseous. It’s a terrible moment yet the butterflies are there.

Or maybe it’s been a couple years and the person who gave you that magical kiss and those amazing butterflies has decided to move on. You’re devastated. Yet those butterflies are there, aren’t they? You’re so sad and lonely you’re sick to your stomach — your appetite sapped by the same funny little butterflies you grew to love just a short time ago.

My point is this: one minute you can feel like you just can’t handle what’s been thrown your way as you slip further into sadness. Yet the next, you’re swept away on a magical express ride to a mountain peak of happiness. Both feelings are identical.

So I wrote a terrible poem. I figured I owed you all a little something since I haven’t posted much lately. And I know, this particular poem has no real structure, beyond some plain little rhymes. Deal.

And be nice. :)

BUTTERFLIES

Butterflies flutter and kiss an innocent soul
But today they’re sad; they cry as they dance
The butterflies linger on the highest peak or deepest hole
A first nervous kiss, or when love faces its last chance
Painful or lovely, the butterflies survive no matter the toll
Souls ponder why butterflies have such a stance
It’s to show you’re alive yet not in control
At the beginning or end of love’s beautiful prance
Butterflies stay; the soul’s companion and troll

A real entry

Sun, 10 Jan 2010 02:57:03 -0600

Two in one day?

Nope this video post technically comes to you on Sunday, not Saturday, the day I posted that lame little entry below. Seriously, I’d just pass on that last one. It’s pretty sad. Kind of pathetic. Like the small chunk of Voldemort’s soul that was laying in Harry’s King’s Cross Station while Potter talked to Dumbledore despite Voldy’s pathetic crying and whimpering.

OK. That was a bit dramatic. But I needed a Harry reference. So there it is, Derek.

In this vlog entry, I grapple such topics as insomnia ... and whatever else I write about in my sleep deprived delirium.

OK. I’m not really delirious...

I’m just in a really, really good mood and I’m paying it forward. Sort of. Maybe. Not ...

Anyway, I’m just living the dream. Or in a dream. It’s 3:21 a.m. and here I sit.

But that’s OK. I’m happy. And I’m enjoying all my moments of levity to the fullest.

Why not, right? We only live once.

Transition

Sat, 9 Jan 2010 14:05:13 -0600

I know ... it’s been a whole month. To the day.

But you have to understand things have been terribly crazy around here for some time.

I’m very busy, and some days, I just haven’t felt like working on this.

But I miss it. I miss sharing my feelings.

But right now, I just wanted to say hi.

I feel like my old self again.

Now I’m off to work.

Lamest post ever ...

Comment away on its lameness.

Snow-mageddon

Wed, 9 Dec 2009 13:58:49 -0600

Snow-mageddon.
Snow-zilla.
Snow-pocalypse.
Snow-sami.
 Call it what you want, but the recent snow storm had all the weather and news people eating their young for survival. I address the madness in a video blog.

Pardon my “I have a cold” voice and messy hair.

Been too long

Tue, 1 Dec 2009 16:13:37 -0600

I’m sorry for not updating more recently — well, really since we got back from the cruise.

So here’s a rather robust vlog entry.

It includes such topics as:
Thanksgiving
Gobbles
Christmas decorations
Awards
Politics
A new part-time job
Seasons
And new music

Enjoy.

Here, have an update

Mon, 9 Nov 2009 17:15:02 -0600

I haven’t updated lately.

So kill me. Not really.

Here’s a video update. Enjoy.

Happy Halloween

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 22:47:24 -0500

Just wanted to wish everyone a happy and safe Halloween.

But if you’re bored, go ahead and rate my evil laugh.

I think it’s pretty solid.